LIFE Topic # 4: Is getting older that bad?

This little guy here made my teen yrs better!

To tell you the truth my teenage years were extremely challenging. They were full of stress and lack of confidence. As I struggled with that, I always caught myself dreaming about getting older. Then, when time started to fly and I looked at my younger self photos, I saw this beautiful young lady that wasted so much time trying to prove herself physically, intellectually, and emotionally to others.

Putting on makeup. Happy kid!

My 20s were about work and more work. During that journey I became so busy with balancing work and family life that I don't even have deep memories of an entire decade. The whole 30s went by so fast that when I try to focus on the events, I can't say that I have a good recollection of me as an individual.  I do remember myself as a professional though. I remember the accomplishments as director or managing projects; however, I have no awareness of my emotions or even my dreams at that time. 

My 40s have been a real eye-opener. The 40s have been a challenge. I have had to work on myself more than I had imagined. It's like re-learning life. It's like questioning why I am doing this and what for. Let's see:

My Health

I am a pretty healthy person and I try not to pay too much attention to illness. However, for some reason for the last two years I have been feeling every ache and pain that a body can experience. Exercising (which I personally don't like) has had to become a habit for me because if I don't do it, my body feels stiff and achy. Nutrition has become priority number one. I love salty snacks and carbs. Ooops! ...that translates to 1 or 2 extra pounds if I eat it all on the same week. 

Trying to lose weight has always been an issue for me and in the process I have tried diet pills, starving diets, gyms, insane workouts and nothing has steadily worked. Recently, I think I have finally come to peace with an eating style that seems to be working, although I will never be a size 2. A size 4 on certain dresses fits but jeans? OMG! but I am okay with that. Eating a good protein based meal, lots of vegetables, and minimum amounts of fat is working okay for me these days. I have my cravings and I succumb to them once in a while but I have to watch carefully whatever I eat.

My Career

Where do I start on this one? Having to reinvent yourself in your 40s after having a successful career for over 20 years can send you to a deep depression. Moving to a new country and having to explore new ways of working has been challenging. Questioning yourself why do I need to prove myself again is something that can tear apart your emotions. However, I think that life is full of opportunities. I would love to be in a steady stage of my career life right now but I am not, so this is an opportunity for me to learn new things and new aspects of myself. I have to say that some days I feel thrilled about it but other times, I feel like quitting. In a general sense I can say that this situation has helped me to improve my networking skill and leadership abilities. Although I still struggle with it, looking at work as a mean and not as the goal and understanding that I am not defined by my career anymore has been liberating.

My Emotions/Inner self

Happiest day of my life

Oh well, what a cathartic experience writing this section will be. I have been experiencing each one of the emotions that exist, the good ones and the bad ones. Gratitude, excitement, happiness but also frustration, sadness, and lack of control. Why? Because at this age you know that time is running; because I know that whatever I decide now will have a huge influence on my elder years. Because I see my daughter making decisions leading her to a path of independence and I agree with some of the decisions and disagree with others and it is a struggle. Because I see my hair, body, and face changing. Because I see my husband's changing. Because we see how illness is taking people we love away from us and that makes us think, "was this worth it?", "was that worth it?".

Living a very simple life- Very happy!

My Relationships

I have always been socially awkward. My lack of confidence made me withdraw myself from interacting well with family and friends. As I have become older, I have done a lot of work in this area pushing myself into interacting and losing the fearful attitude; understanding that what people say is not necessarily a reflection of myself but a reflection of themselves. 

I have been able to put aside my disagreements with what some people think about and keep in contact with them based on the significance and value of our relationship. I call, I text, I facebook with those whom I love. I find time to send a hello note, to share pictures and comments, to laugh with them even though sometimes it is through social media. This has made my life better. It doesn't matter what people think about me anymore, if you are important to me, I will take the time to connect with you. At the end of the day, when that person leaves the planet or when I leave the planet, that connection is the only thing that will last.

My parents

I forgave a long time ago any mistake they could have made.  They loved me and that is what matters.  We, as human beings, can make profound mistakes in the process of loving our kids. We reflect our inner fears on our kids and that is the base for saying and doing things that hurt them sometimes.  We don't want our kids to go through the same challenging things we have experienced in life. 

My mom making crafts with my daughter

Whatever mistakes my parents made, they are all gone. It's gone and I am here to be with them. For instance, do I disagree with my dad on certain things? Yes, I do. However, when that happens, I try to remember every time he dropped me off at or picked me up from school. I remember when he lost an entire night transcribing an English project for me because I had typed it all wrong, when he would go out and buy whatever fast food we wanted just because we wanted it. My mom? she passed away and that hurt so much. However, I gave God thanks every day for allowing me to give her a grandchild and for being able to see how much love she had inside of her. Through her interaction with my daughter she also loved me, she said things to me that I wanted to hear. I try to honor her teachings in everything I do and live by some of the advice her older-self gave me before leaving this world.

Enjoying a cup of coffee after hiking.  

Is getting older that bad?

No, it's not. Getting older is good. Getting older is like hiking a tall mountain (I love hiking). At the beginning, it's easy. You start walking with a fast flow and excitement. As you keep hiking, the pathway becomes more difficult. You become tired, you have to stop, and you even wonder if you should give up and quit. When you are getting close to the top of the mountain, you become excited again and you look back down and see how far you have come. You see the entire view ...and you get it... and you enjoy it.

 That's when you see that the journey has all been worth it!