Yes, It's a Girl! : 9 ways fathers can empower their daughters

You wake up one day, and you realize you are the father of a baby girl. All of the sudden it hits you and you start asking yourself, "what am I going to do? I need to learn about "girl stuff."  You start thinking about all the things women go through and what future your daughter may have. It seems challenging, right?

Well, as a father, you have more power of influence than you may think. Girls are usually drawn to their fathers and sometimes parents don't realize how much influence they can have on their children's future.

My dad is a retired police officer. I remember when I was in first grade, and I took a 'police department button' and wore it on my school uniform. I went to school feeling so proud. However, my sister's friends started to make fun of me. Even though I was upset because of that, my father supported me which made me feel empowered and better.

I was always a curious kid. I loved fixing things and learning how things worked. I always found all the things that my father did around the house fascinating. Still to this day, whenever he is doing or fixing something, I sit next to him and try to learn or help in any way I can. The good thing is that he allows me to do it.

It doesn't matter in what field you are involved and what your daughter's skills are, there's always a way in which you can connect with her and mentor her. In a world where there's so much work disparity between men and women, men are called to use the power they have to raise a new generation of confident, independent, and courageous women.  It is as simple as allowing your daughter to experience and share with you things that you do on a day-to-day basis; encouraging them to ask, to participate, and to share experiences with you.

These are some things that I experienced with my dad, and that allowed me not to be afraid to get into a male-dominated industry and stay in it for over twenty (20) years.

1. Try not to impose "girly" expectations- "girls wear pink and boys wear blue" paradigm is outdated. Growing up I loved the color blue, I used to like jeans, flip flops, short hair, and t-shirts. I loved Barbie dolls too, but I also enjoyed playing with marbles and assembling things; activities that were not "girly things-to-do" when I was growing up. I was always labeled as a "tomboy, " and I felt that my dad never judged but embraced that aspect of me. Allow your daughter to experience different aspects of life. If you also have boys, let her play with them. Teach them that they need each other. Women and men need each other to succeed. Show her how to ask men for help in a positive, non-competitive way but also in a confident and assertive manner. 

2. Teach her not to wait for the "perfect prince" to come and take care of her - we are taught that one day we'll meet the perfect guy that will take care of us. There's nothing wrong with meeting that guy, but we should not look at him as our savior. Fathers are role models for their daughters. They should teach them how to think independently, to pursue a career, not to have someone to fall back on. Fathers should encourage their daughters to develop their skills and grow as a well-rounded person. Men and women should create a partnership in which they support, teach, and help one another so that both parties can grow and succeed. My dad always said to me " Dale pa'lante" (which means "go for it" in Spanish). He said it, and I did it! 

3. Allow her to participate in the things you do - my father is very crafty. He was always doing things around the house. I loved observing him. He always allowed me to help. As a teenager, I was always changing the layout of my room. I never asked for any help. I moved things around and put things on the wall by myself. I would go to his tools closet and look around. I loved it! I remember one time looking for a phone cable to run an extension cord from my parent's bedroom to mine so that I could have a phone in my room. I remember doing the installation while I was home alone. When my parents got home, they couldn't believe it. They were pleasantly surprised, and I felt very accomplished. Years later, when I had to direct 200 men in a Public Works department, and I said that I wanted to try to operate a Digger and a Grader, my employees couldn't believe it. They were happy to teach me, and it allowed me to understand and support their craft as well as to gain their respect. 

4. Have 'daddy-daughter' time with her (lunch meetings) - take the time to spend special time with your daughter. Make it a "lunch meeting" and discuss future projects and plans. Let her speak up about the things she likes. Give your opinion to her without dominating the conversation. Listen and exchange ideas. This action will teach her how to express herself confidently; without fear of rejection. These days, it's me who invite my dad to lunch meetings. He stares at me and listens, but now, I am the one letting him speak and trying not to dominate the conversation.

5. Praise her confidence - give her feedback. Praise the fact that she dares to do or say something. Explain to her that she doesn't have to succeed at everything, that failure is part of the process. Women tend to take defeat from the heart. We think that if we fail at something, then, we "are" a failure. Teach her that to grow and become a better person, you will have to experience failure. Let her know that occasional failure is okay and that she will have people around that will support her and help her move forward.

6. Talk to her about 'boy stuff'' - share with her how guys think. Tell her to embrace differences between boys and girls. When I was a kid, there was one time when I wished I were a boy. I saw them having so much fun, and everything seemed to be so much easier for them. Society teaches us that "girls don't this or don't do that." In particular cases, that might be true, but we need to explain why. Sometimes we blame boys for things that are not their fault, it's just that we are different. We often talk about men having to understand women, but women also need to know and understand men.

7. Allow her to talk about 'girls stuff' - I always talked to my father about everything. I still do. The first time I liked a guy, I told him first. When I was 15 yrs old, I had a couple of bad experiences at school. I waited a long time to say anything to him. When I finally told him, he said to me that when something bad happens, you need to address it quickly. He also took the opportunity to talk to me about life. He said, "well, when have I said to you that life is easy?". That was an eye opener for me. At that moment, I understood that you can expect as much good as bad from life and that it is okay to experience sadness, frustration, and pain sometimes.

8. Be honest about your fears and challenges - talk to them about your challenges and concerns. Being afraid is okay. Sometimes we think that men are not scared of anything, but sometimes they are. Talking to your daughter about it will give her a perspective of equality. If you can be afraid, and you are successful, then it's okay for her to experience the same feeling. 

9. Be there for her and just enjoy seeing her grow - have fun being a father of a girl. It's awesome for a girl to know that a male figure will always be there for her and have her back. There will come a time in which your daughter will teach you and will take care of you. I am at that stage now with my father. He looks at me, and he smiles. We spend time reminiscing his days in the police department. I used to have boys come to me to tell me how cool it was that my dad was a police officer; I felt so proud! Now, when people go to him and ask him if he is my dad or shows him a project that I was involved with, he comes to me with the same sense of pride. 

Congratulations to you if you have a daughter! You have a great responsibility but also a wonderful opportunity to make this world one where she feels empowered, capable, embraced, and happy! Go for it or as my dad would say, "mi'ja dale pa'lante"!

Mindfulness at Work: 3 Mindful Ways to Improve Productivity and Reduce Anxiety

The word mindfulness means the state of mind of being conscious or aware of something. In the past years, we have heard how this word has been used to describe the importance of being in the present moment and not worrying about the past or the future.

In the late 90s, I started reading about it because I was looking for tools to manage my stress and anxiety. I was working in the manufacturing industry and in charge of a production area. Not only the area worked 24/7, but we were measured by production output, cycle time, shipments, material shortages, and quality complaints. Our year-end bonus was tied to these metrics. I felt responsible for the performance of each one of my employees, for the performance of the engineers supporting my area and releasing new products, for validation processes and for ongoing investigations to release units on-hold. I felt responsible for the equipment that broke down and how fast it was put back into service.

When you work in this industry, you learn how to multi-task and how to deal with stress in a very peculiar fashion. I remember changing my shoes at the beginning of the shift and wearing nursing shoes for me to walk faster around the manufacturing facility. 

I learned how to focus on the end-result. That helped me later in life when I had to manage 200 construction employees and a very demanding Mayor. I easily spoke with the Mayor on the radio to send asphalt crews to fix potholes at 6:30 am while preparing my daughter and dropping her off at pre-school. Yes, I was very "productive"; however, I paid a high price for it.

At age 32 while I was running from one meeting to another and being late for the second meeting, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I thought it was the result of my hurry. I started feeling chest pains and all of the sudden I felt dizzy. I was taken to the hospital. My blood pressure was almost 200/100. After several days getting physical exams, I ended up getting a catheterism. My doctor instructed me that I had to slow down and live a mindful life. I had read about it but never paid too much attention to it. At the end of the day, my life had always been measured by accomplishing tasks, and that's what I knew. 

After that incident, I decided to start being more mindful. I was successful sometimes and other times, I failed miserably. You know, we, women, are not good at this. We put tremendous pressure on fulfilling all of our roles "perfectly". I started reading a lot about awareness, being present, working smartly, but for some reason the implementation was not as easy as it seemed in the books.

Several years ago, I was falling again into the same pattern. I decided to put a stop to it and make a change in my life. The decision I made has paid off tremendously and has allowed me to identify three mindful ways to work and improve my productivity without losing myself in the process. I have to say that it's a daily thing to do. There are days in which I still feel overwhelmed, but that's when I know I have to stop and take some time off for myself to recalibrate. Here they are:

1. Identify what is important to you- I was asked once who was the most important person in my life. Guess what I said? My daughter! Wrong answer. It should've been "Me". Without a sane mom, there is no happy daughter. Now, I make sure I have a physical exam every year, I take time to meditate, exercise, eat healthy, read every night, go on road trips, volunteer at church, and do other activities that make me happy. All this keeps me sane and nurtures my body and my spirit. It makes me a better wife, daughter, mom and professional. 
2. Instead of trying to control the future, think about the worst thing that could happen, embrace it as a possibility, and let it go-This is a challenge for me. I always try to plan things ahead of time. Trying to control now what could happen in the future is a lost cause. It's futile, and it creates a lot of anxiety. One of my supervisors said to me once that I had the "worry gene".  He said that most of the things we worry about never happen and if one or two of those things happened, then we shouldn't feel like it is only OUR responsibility to fix it.  Worrying is the most difficult thing for me to work on. I am an engineer, so my brain is set to fix things. Whenever I can't fix something, I feel defeated. For me to improve on this I have followed Dale Carnegie's Stop Worrying and Start Living I think about the worst that could happen if something doesn't go the way I want it to. I then think about what I would do if that happened, and then I get mentally prepared for that. Believe it or not, that takes a lot of stress from your mind, and it allows you to shift your focus to the present.When you switch your focus to the present moment, ideas start flowing easily, and you start getting the results you wanted. I can guarantee you that most of the times, the "worst" never occurs, and if it does, then you already know what to do.
3. Celebrate every accomplishment -  It is easy for me to celebrate everything. That's part of the Hispanic culture. However, not everyone is like that. In the past, I'd go to someone with good news; perhaps a nice small accomplishment and I'd get an "Oh, okay". That'd put me in such a bad mood.  Getting upset about it was a huge mistake on my part. We let our surroundings dictate so much of how we feel. In the past, one negative word could make my day miserable. Now, I force myself not to fall into that trap. I celebrate everything. I pat myself on the back. I value my efforts. If I receive a negative feedback, I meditate on the merits of it.  If it has merits, I put it in my toolbox for the next task, if it has no merits, I just let it go. Celebrating small accomplishments will motivate you and will allow you to produce more and better results.

As we become more mindful, we declutter our brains and souls from the burden and anxiety that everyday life brings. That allows us to connect with ourselves and with others. When you connect, you listen, you become aware of the alternatives you may have and how to make things work in a leaner and productive way.

When you are mindful, things flow and results are accomplished.  Have you wonder why sometimes you have outdoor plans and all of the sudden it starts raining and you don't know what to do. Then, you suddenly decide to try something else and the day turns out better than you ever imagined. Why? Because you just surrendered and allowed new ideas to flow. That's the concept behind all this.

I encourage you to try any of these mindful ways. You'll see the difference. Go for it!

3 Reasons Why I Love Being an Industrial Engineer.

When I was in high school and thinking about my future, I told my mother that I was considering becoming an accountant. She looked at me and asked why. She thought it was a "male job". I said I didn't know; that maybe because I was good at math. After seeing her reaction and also thinking to become a math teacher like her, I went to school and asked the social worker if she had a book on potential fields to study.

My school was a poor public school. The only thing she was able to find for me was a catalog from the University of Puerto Rico in Mayaguez that had a description of all the fields and programs they offered at that time. She suggested taking a look at the engineering program. Up until that point, it had never occurred to me that I could become an engineer.

As I started reading about all the different engineering fields, two of them caught my attention, mechanical and industrial engineering. I had always liked assembling and dismantling things. The idea of working with machines and equipment was appealing to me. However, there was something about the description of industrial engineering and its relation to human factors, work systems, equipment and people that resonated in my head.

After pondering and thinking, I decided to go for that field. I love engineering so much that I have put together a list of things that I believe are the highlights of being an engineer:

1. You can see how  "nothing" becomes "something"- if you are a "results-oriented" person like me, then engineering will provide you a gratifying experience. The process of creating something out of an idea, a dream, or a concept is indescribable. I always get excited when a client or a colleague has a vision and through brainstorming, planning, and hard work, we make that vision become a reality.  
2. You can change "lives" - when I graduated, I started working on the medical devices manufacturing industry. Every day when I was at work,  I thought about how my job and the job of my employees could save a life. Especially when I was in charge of products used for surgeries in babies and infants. The same feeling I had when I was working for the government as owner's representative on one of the largest water distribution projects in Puerto Rico. There was a class lawsuit where some communities sued the government because they had no access to potable water. The scope consisted of small construction projects to build a series of water tanks, pumping stations, and pipeline installations to bring potable water to those communities. Dealing with multiple contractors and community complaints was not fun; however, once the project was completed, seeing grown people cry over getting potable water was priceless. 
3. You can work at anything - most of us who studied engineering are introverts. We usually limit ourselves and think we can only do one type of job. I am grateful that life has put people before me that have allowed me to work in many different fields such as public works, construction, marketing, and business development.  I approached each one of those jobs with an engineering mentality. I always thought of the vision first, the planning, scheduling, and what the end-result should be. When I left the manufacturing industry, which is a "customer-centric" industry, I started working for the government. I looked at the community as if they were our customers and I instilled that mentality on my employees. We had people coming to our office because they could not believe that we were working with work-orders and fill-rates. Yes, the same work-order system and fill rates rationale that I had used in manufacturing. If it works, why change it.

I believe in engineering, and this field of study has opened many doors for me. It has made me explore life, understand people, change people's quality of life, experiencing challenges, thinking out of the box, inventing, and creating. It has made me push myself, solve problems, look at a situation and wondering what else can be done.  I encourage you to read more about it. Perhaps you will find it as interesting as I do.

Thinking about Life

Since I was a little girl, I have been amazed by how unpredictable, and complicated life could be. I have always had a feeling of lack of control when thinking about our journey through life.  I have heard so many theories about the evolution of the Earth and the Universe, and it does not make sense to me how nature can be so perfectly designed but at the same time so randomly unpredictable.

I have finally given up on it. I do not want to know where we come from or why things happen anymore.  Last year was especially
challenging for us.  It was filled with unexpected illness in our family, financial strain, and unusual events. When that happens, you feel impotent and with a sense of unfairness.  At the same time, you ponder what's important in life.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of living to acquire and accomplishing things. Since that is the way society measures success, we all do it and get overwhelmed by it.  It is so nice to have the ability to buy whatever we want, whenever we want to, right?   However, it is tough to balance life so that we can work and get the things we want to but we can also spend time with our families, relax, appreciate nature, meditate, and become more connected as a person.

What is it that we read so much about how important taking care of ourselves is but we cannot seem to apply it consistently in our lives?  In the past few years, I have made drastic decisions in my career path.  Decisions that have impacted my life in a very positive way.  We, as a family, have had to make some financial adjustments but to my surprise even when at the beginning it made me feel really anxious, it has not been as difficult as I thought it would be.

As a society, we have lost so much in our quest to become "successful" people. We do not have time for anything anymore. This past holiday season I was amazed how everything was done electronically.

 

We do not connect with people anymore. We do not receive holiday cards anymore; we do not bake, we do not cook, we do not sing. I have personally refused to stop doing the fun things that made life a special one.

I enjoy so much sitting down and writing a note to my family and friends wishing them a wonderful new year.  I love taking pictures and sharing them with the people I care about.  It is one of the things that bring me so much joy.

It is interesting how taking a picture has become a sin these days. People are so afraid that a picture is going to end up on the internet that I wonder what is going to happen when we pass away, and our kids do not have a tangible memory of all the moments they shared with us.

I refuse to become paranoid about this. Am I cautious? Yes, I am.  However, I am also aware of all the joy that is reminiscing my childhood by looking at old photos and videos brings to my life. Every time we want to have a good laugh, we put on an old family movie and re-live those moments when our daughter was little and spent time with my parents and all the happiness they experienced with her.

Life is time-bounded. We are born, and there's going to be an end. We should not look at life as it is going to be eternal because when we do that, we always procrastinate having fun and enjoying the present.

We often think that "when we retire" we are going to enjoy life. What we do not think about is that if we did not take care of ourselves because we were always working, when we retire we could face so much tiredness and illness or many other situations that they will prevent us to enjoy it.

We should make our priority to live in the present. Life will take care of itself and when our time comes to leave this planet, our family will always treasure those moments and will remember us with joy and happiness. That is the true purpose of our journey. Have a wonderful year!

Purpose Leadership: The Importance of Being a Mentor

Since the beginning of my career, I've had mentors. I never asked for one but, fortunately, my supervisors always decided to give me advise on how to improve certain aspects of my professional life. I guess they felt that I was open to it, and it was worth the effort.

I will never forget the day I had my first professional interview at a manufacturing company in Puerto Rico. I had to meet with five (5), different managers. They were interviewing recent college graduates for Production Supervisory positions they had available. The company was undergoing a re-engineering process, and they wanted to hire junior engineers to help streamline processes and maximize productivity. I was selected by a very refined, yet exceptionally straight-forward Cuban-American manager. He said to me, "I chose you because although you seem extremely shy, you also appear to have high potential." That was the beginning of a mentoring process that at that moment I did not see coming.

I was assigned to work the third shift (10 pm to 6 am). However, every morning after my shift ended, he wanted me to stay around for meetings and conference calls with the company US headquarters.  His goal was for me to practice my English language skills, work on my confidence, and learn more about the business. Every time we had one of those conference calls, I felt like I was about to die. I had headaches, dizziness, and stomach pains.

Once, he said to me that even when I was doing a terrific job balancing production lines and implementing productivity measuring tools, nobody knew who I was. He indicated that it was critical for me to network with the other managers. That suggestion caused me a lot of stress. I could not understand why I needed to talk to anyone else. I was doing my job well, production output was enough, I was even implementing tools to measure production efficiency; so to me, this was mean and unnecessary. However, pushing myself to follow his recommendation helped me being promoted very quickly to the first shift and also to be considered for a new position as master production planner helping the company to implement a plant-wide supply-chain system successfully.

Like him, I've had many supervisors and colleagues who have provided mentoring advice. It has not been in a formal fashion where you meet purposely to discuss a working plan, yet it has been consciously done. It is tough to provide advice when none has been requested; however if you have the opportunity to mentor someone, do not let that opportunity pass. Mentoring is a two-way street, and it benefits the mentor, and the one mentored.

Here are some key points on how to become a mentor:

1. Observe and Listen: Observing how people perform and what they say is a good way to identify potential in someone. Usually, individuals who are introverts also have high performance. These types of people usually associate success with end-results. What they don't realize is the importance of verbal communication and networking. If you see someone like that, talk to that person. Ask about her/his interests. Let them know that if they need information or guidance, you are more than willing to help.
2. Suggest extra-tasks: Most of the things that I have done in my professional life and that have been outside of my comfort zone, have been assigned to me as extraordinary tasks. I had no choice but to take on those responsibilities. My supervisors would say: "I need you to do this" or "you will be involved in or leading this project."  They also highlighted that if I had questions or needed any support, not to hesitate to ask for it. They reinforced their confidence in my abilities to get the job done. One time, one of them said to me "I have more faith in you than you have in yourself. Go and get that job done!". It was such an eye opener for me that I've never forgotten that moment. 
3. Performance reviews are an excellent tool to provide honestly and well-intentioned feedback: Utilize performance reviews not only to go over end-results and new goals but also to discuss potential projects, areas of improvement, and how you can help that person make progress. You can also discuss and suggest other areas of work, lateral career moves, social activities, and potential professional organizations.

Being a mentor is a great privilege but also a tremendous responsibility. You can have an impact on people's careers. You can also an effect on the performance of the organization. I am convinced that employees feel more accountable and productive when they know and believe the organization cares about them.

I will always remember when I was a production supervisor, and I had to convince people to work overtime. I always helped my employees on whatever they needed. I was always available to talk to them. Therefore, whenever the company needed them to work extra time, they always said that because I had been there for them, they were going to be there for me. I honestly believe in leading by example.

As leaders, we need to have a commitment to continuous improvement. Sometimes we want the glamor of a job position and the money associated with it but we don't want the greater purpose that goes with it.

Mentors are life-long friends, people that end up knowing you and being part of your success and your journey. My mentors are people that I feel grateful for and will forever be connected to.

Pass your knowledge to others. Teach and share your experiences. Connect with others on a deeper level. That's part of being a leader. Go for it!

About the author: Aixa is an Industrial Engineer and Marketing Professional with twenty-three (23) years of experience in a variety of industries such as manufacturing, supply-chain, public works, construction, business development, and marketing. She enjoys writing about topics related to leadership, performance, and continuous improvement and how to apply industrial engineering concepts to regular life.