"Focusing on the positive"

 "Focusing on the positive" is easier said than done. I do not know if it's me but lately, everywhere I go or everything that I come across with on social media or at the bookstore, seems to have a message related to this. It's always related to how we need to create or  think of what we want for it to materialize in our lives. 

Don't get me wrong, I believe in this but frankly it is easier said than done. I come from a very realistic, "feet on the ground" upbringing. I was raised believing that if you want something, you need to work for it; otherwise, it will not become a reality. I was raised thinking that you need to deserve things and earn things. But what happens when you start working and working and sometimes things do not happen to you. 

Sometimes, you see lazy people, liars, and cheaters getting away with it. Hmmm, so...then, what is wrong with the "working and working" philosophy? What's wrong with the "do good things and good things will come to you? To tell you the truth after reading and struggling to apply concepts discussed on lots of books that I've read about spirituality, secrets, and living my best life, I've come to realize that we definitely have the power to turn a negative thought into a positive one; however, it takes a lot of determination and perseverance to see even a glimpse of  a positive outcome.

Every day I start the day meditating on God and giving thanks for what He has done for me. I have to admit that if it wasn't for Him (that invisible and untouchable force that we ALL feel inside ourselves), I'd have become an extremely negative and sour person. A person full of self-pity, resentment, and paralyzed by fear. I grew up with a lot of insecurities that still to this day are triggered by certain situations but that I have certainly learned how to manage.

 By forcing myself to think positive and turn those fears and angry feelings into more positive ones, I have been able to forgive, to help those who have hurt me, to look past injustice, to go on after disappointments, to keep dreaming about a better future, to learn how to be content with or without money, to adapt to impromptu changes, and to love and accept myself.

It's not an easy task and it's extremely difficult to conquer. We are surrounded by so many people and situations that bring negativity to our lives. Unless you are the Dalai Lama, who can go and live in the Tibet, we need to face the world. There is lack of resources, health issues, stress at work or at home, just to name a few of those things that make us feel powerless. I have experienced in the past driving back from work and I feel like driving to "Never Found Land".

After so many years of being determined to think and act on a more positive way, I have come to identify certain things that I can do to make my life a happier one. I will share these things that have worked for me and that I work on continuously. Here they are:

1. Give thanks to God, the Universe, Mother Nature for being YOU. You are unique and wonderful. 
2. Thank everyone that help you. Be nice to others even if they don't understand why you are being nice to them.
3. Remember every day all the progress you have made in life.
4. Meditate on the good people that you have in your life (family, friends, colleagues). Those who really value you and make you feel good about yourself.
5. A "failure" (or something that didn't happen they way you expected) is another learning experience to become a better "you", 
6. Take risks. Life is full of beautiful moments, opportunities, countries, cultures. Why would you live your life in a place that makes you feel miserable, in a job that doesn't allow you to do what you want, surrounded by people that don't value you. Get up and try something new.... you will be surprised of how easy it is to step outside of the box.
7. Put on music in the car, at the office, while working out; music makes all of us feel better. Listen to those old songs that made you smile and dance. 
8. Treat yourself with good food. Food that makes you feel energized and healthy.
9. Look at your husband/wife and children.  Wonder how many happy times you've spent together. How blessed you are that life gave them to YOU, 
10. When you fall down, when you get angry, when you feel sad..... experience those emotions to the maximum. Let it go and get up on your feet again. Go back to No. 1 and ENJOY your life.

Many blessings!

WORK Topic # 1: I am woman and I am an engineer -10 ways to thrive in a male dominated career field

I am woman and I am an engineer.

Lately, I have been speaking to young females about how it is being a woman in a male dominated field. I have also been getting emails and questions about how difficult it is to work in male dominated field.  They have also asked me how I've done it.

To tell you the truth, after 20+  years in this career, I am still dealing with some situations. I have good days and okay days. At the beginning of my career it was shocking and extremely emotional. I faced everything; from sexist comments, harassment, humiliation, jokes, boredom, to being accused of being emotional and/or weak. 

I am in my 40s now and I still face some of those comments. However, the difference now is my reaction to all of this nonsense. I would like to share some of the things I have done to deal with this and also how I have been able to make progress and move forward:

Never forget why you got into this field- if you decided to study a STEM field career is because you were interested in the field and you were good at it. Something attracted you to this career. Never forget that!  Keep yourself current in the topics, take classes, and read about new STEM initiatives. That will help you feel more confident when you are in a meeting or a networking event with your male and female peers.

Know what your strengths and weaknesses are - we all have strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledging them will help you capitalize on your strengths and reach out for help on your weaknesses. Reaching out to male colleagues is a positive thing. When you ask them for help is a way of telling them "I am not here to fight with you but to learn from you and work with you". It's very liberating for both parts.

Speak up "not only" when you have something important to say- men are really good at this. We tend to stay silent in meetings (I am guilty of this). We think that we should talk only when there's something extremely important to say. Men talk! 

I am not telling you that you should do the same BUT,  there are smart ways to participate in the conversation even when you don't have a lot to say. Asking questions is one of them. When I think I have nothing to say, I try to ask questions. You can ask: "Really, how did you learn about that? or How do feel with that experience?".  Questions like these will make you part of the conversation and will give you the chance to learn and to share your own experiences.

Read about topics outside of your career field- one thing that I've learned is that men talk about everything; even if they are not an expert in the topic. Read about what's going around the world so that you can at least have a notion of current events. 

If you have no idea of the topic they are discussing, like when they are talking about cars (topic that I personally hate), then ask questions. For example: "What is so good about that car? or Well, I don't know a lot about cars, is it expensive? ". This will make them want to teach you and engage with you and you will end up learning about something you didn't know before.

Respect yourself and learn when to say "no"- I do not like revealing clothes. I have never liked them. Sometimes I have been accused of dressing too conservative because they expect women to show their "assets". I personally hate people staring at my "assets" and I do not feel guilty for that.

The same happens with "drinking alcohol".  When I'm in networking events, I like to be in control of myself. So, if someone makes a comment about why I am not drinking more, I’d say that I have enough with just a glass of wine. 

Speaking the truth is always a positive thing.  People will respect you for that.

Being a woman is not a sin or something to excuse yourself about - I love high heels. I worked in construction for a long time and I had to visit construction projects. I always wore high heels and had a backpack with my boots so I could change and go to the site visits. For some reason, men felt uncomfortable with that. They always had to make a comment about it. 

I remember one time when a colleague said to me “you are an engineer, why are you wearing high heels? My answer (in a very nice tone): Yes, you are right, I am engineer but before becoming one, I was a woman and I love high heels; being an engineer is in my brain not on my feet.” Smile and Case Closed!

Ignore comments that are not worth arguing about - There will always be people that make dumb comments (women and men).  Sometimes, you just have to ignore them.  Do not lose your temper or even your job for someone that is not worth arguing with. 

Respect people but don't be naive - I respect everyone. I treat everyone with respect and give everyone credit for what they do/say. However, sometimes people may take advantage of you. Just be aware and cautious. Observe, listen, and learn from experience who is trustworthy. That will save you a lot of disappointments.

Know when to detach from your emotions - women are always accused of being emotional and in a way we are emotional human beings. However, we need to learn when not to be. At the beginning of my career I was always crying. Any "constructive" criticism that I received made me cry. I received some great feedback from some of my male supervisors but I always took it personal. That made me aware of how men looked at the working environment. I have learned how to disconnect myself from comments that are vicious but also to take advantage of comments that are constructive. That’s how you grow. 

Embrace who you are and what contributions you can make - I studied engineering because I like fixing things. I became an Industrial Engineer because I like efficiency, productivity, and people. I can look at space or at a process and from the get go a million ideas come to my mind on how to make it more efficient. It's like magic! 

Embrace what you are capable of, show it to the world and let them see what you can do. That is what you are here for. Never feel guilty of your value as a professional and as a human being. 

The bottom line

Career development is a work in progress. You have to continuously work on it and redefine your goals. There's nothing wrong with making tough decisions such as quitting a job, redefining yourself, or trying a new field. Do not give up! 

Keep pushing and do what you love. Do not let others define your career. If you want to leave your job because you are not good at it, then do it.  However, if you are good at it, do not let others discourage you. 

Get up and show the world what you can do!

MYSELF #4: Just a quick note about "Mi Abuela"

Today I was thinking of one my grandmothers ("mi abuela" in Spanish).

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that if "mi abuela" lived right now, she would be playing casino games on the Ipad and would be asking me to unlock more games for her. She would be spoiling my daughter and cooking all the yummy things she used to cook.

I can't help but also think about some of the funny things she did. If I had to mention some of those things, it'd go like this:

Coffee is good - "Mi abuela" made coffee all the time. She knew how everyone liked her coffee (black without sugar, ultra sweet,or with milk and foam). I grew up thinking that coffee was some kind of elixir because she was making it constantly (well, maybe that's why my love for it).  To me, coffee was the prelude to a Sobremesa. I always saw everyone gathering at the dining table to have coffee and talk. Loved it!

Shampoo and conditioner don't exist - She washed our hair with "Ivory" soap. "Ivory" soap was the only thing in the shower. For some reason I grew up thinking that it must have been the only FDA approved soap that we could use. I used "Ivory" soap until I left for college and discovered life. 

Fat and Carbs are good for you and make you happy - Fried pork chops, fried chicken, fried plantains, fried corn sticks, white rice with lots of oil so "pega'o" was made. Soda crackers and cheese. Mmmmm is all I can say. Happy...happy food!

All you need to look good is a pink-orange plastic bracelet - It didn't matter how many outfits "mi abuela" had, she always wore the same pink-orange plastic bracelet. She loved that bracelet. It was kind of cool actually. I wonder who has that bracelet now.

Learning how to drive meant "Can you take me to the bank and then to the casino?" - This is one is self-explanatory.

Everything is possible when you have a loving family - I will never forget that I was able to pay for my dorm in college thanks to her who gathered my family and convinced them to pitch in every month to pay for it.

Love can conquer all - this is what I recall about her the most. No matter what....no matter who... no matter where...love is always first.

Thank you abuela! 

LIFE Topic # 4: Is getting older that bad?

This little guy here made my teen yrs better!

To tell you the truth my teenage years were extremely challenging. They were full of stress and lack of confidence. As I struggled with that, I always caught myself dreaming about getting older. Then, when time started to fly and I looked at my younger self photos, I saw this beautiful young lady that wasted so much time trying to prove herself physically, intellectually, and emotionally to others.

Putting on makeup. Happy kid!

My 20s were about work and more work. During that journey I became so busy with balancing work and family life that I don't even have deep memories of an entire decade. The whole 30s went by so fast that when I try to focus on the events, I can't say that I have a good recollection of me as an individual.  I do remember myself as a professional though. I remember the accomplishments as director or managing projects; however, I have no awareness of my emotions or even my dreams at that time. 

My 40s have been a real eye-opener. The 40s have been a challenge. I have had to work on myself more than I had imagined. It's like re-learning life. It's like questioning why I am doing this and what for. Let's see:

My Health

I am a pretty healthy person and I try not to pay too much attention to illness. However, for some reason for the last two years I have been feeling every ache and pain that a body can experience. Exercising (which I personally don't like) has had to become a habit for me because if I don't do it, my body feels stiff and achy. Nutrition has become priority number one. I love salty snacks and carbs. Ooops! ...that translates to 1 or 2 extra pounds if I eat it all on the same week. 

Trying to lose weight has always been an issue for me and in the process I have tried diet pills, starving diets, gyms, insane workouts and nothing has steadily worked. Recently, I think I have finally come to peace with an eating style that seems to be working, although I will never be a size 2. A size 4 on certain dresses fits but jeans? OMG! but I am okay with that. Eating a good protein based meal, lots of vegetables, and minimum amounts of fat is working okay for me these days. I have my cravings and I succumb to them once in a while but I have to watch carefully whatever I eat.

My Career

Where do I start on this one? Having to reinvent yourself in your 40s after having a successful career for over 20 years can send you to a deep depression. Moving to a new country and having to explore new ways of working has been challenging. Questioning yourself why do I need to prove myself again is something that can tear apart your emotions. However, I think that life is full of opportunities. I would love to be in a steady stage of my career life right now but I am not, so this is an opportunity for me to learn new things and new aspects of myself. I have to say that some days I feel thrilled about it but other times, I feel like quitting. In a general sense I can say that this situation has helped me to improve my networking skill and leadership abilities. Although I still struggle with it, looking at work as a mean and not as the goal and understanding that I am not defined by my career anymore has been liberating.

My Emotions/Inner self

Happiest day of my life

Oh well, what a cathartic experience writing this section will be. I have been experiencing each one of the emotions that exist, the good ones and the bad ones. Gratitude, excitement, happiness but also frustration, sadness, and lack of control. Why? Because at this age you know that time is running; because I know that whatever I decide now will have a huge influence on my elder years. Because I see my daughter making decisions leading her to a path of independence and I agree with some of the decisions and disagree with others and it is a struggle. Because I see my hair, body, and face changing. Because I see my husband's changing. Because we see how illness is taking people we love away from us and that makes us think, "was this worth it?", "was that worth it?".

Living a very simple life- Very happy!

My Relationships

I have always been socially awkward. My lack of confidence made me withdraw myself from interacting well with family and friends. As I have become older, I have done a lot of work in this area pushing myself into interacting and losing the fearful attitude; understanding that what people say is not necessarily a reflection of myself but a reflection of themselves. 

I have been able to put aside my disagreements with what some people think about and keep in contact with them based on the significance and value of our relationship. I call, I text, I facebook with those whom I love. I find time to send a hello note, to share pictures and comments, to laugh with them even though sometimes it is through social media. This has made my life better. It doesn't matter what people think about me anymore, if you are important to me, I will take the time to connect with you. At the end of the day, when that person leaves the planet or when I leave the planet, that connection is the only thing that will last.

My parents

I forgave a long time ago any mistake they could have made.  They loved me and that is what matters.  We, as human beings, can make profound mistakes in the process of loving our kids. We reflect our inner fears on our kids and that is the base for saying and doing things that hurt them sometimes.  We don't want our kids to go through the same challenging things we have experienced in life. 

My mom making crafts with my daughter

Whatever mistakes my parents made, they are all gone. It's gone and I am here to be with them. For instance, do I disagree with my dad on certain things? Yes, I do. However, when that happens, I try to remember every time he dropped me off at or picked me up from school. I remember when he lost an entire night transcribing an English project for me because I had typed it all wrong, when he would go out and buy whatever fast food we wanted just because we wanted it. My mom? she passed away and that hurt so much. However, I gave God thanks every day for allowing me to give her a grandchild and for being able to see how much love she had inside of her. Through her interaction with my daughter she also loved me, she said things to me that I wanted to hear. I try to honor her teachings in everything I do and live by some of the advice her older-self gave me before leaving this world.

Enjoying a cup of coffee after hiking.  

Is getting older that bad?

No, it's not. Getting older is good. Getting older is like hiking a tall mountain (I love hiking). At the beginning, it's easy. You start walking with a fast flow and excitement. As you keep hiking, the pathway becomes more difficult. You become tired, you have to stop, and you even wonder if you should give up and quit. When you are getting close to the top of the mountain, you become excited again and you look back down and see how far you have come. You see the entire view ...and you get it... and you enjoy it.

 That's when you see that the journey has all been worth it!

MYSELF # 3: TURKEY vs ITALY

At this point we all know that I am a coffee lover.  I spent the holidays in Puerto Rico where I had as much coffee as I could have had. Like I said on a prior blog post, I love my island coffee. I love its aroma and its sweet taste. However, coming back the the US, I decided to start a detox. I tried to suspend drinking coffee for a week. After a day or two, I had such a horrible headache that I decided that oh well....I am addicted to this drink, so it was not going to happen.

My husband's Baklava

My Turkish Coffee

The following week my husband invited me to a Turkish restaurant and the food was delicious. When the time came for the waitress to offer coffee to us, she asked if we wanted regular American or Turkish. I thought about it for a minute but I decided to try the Turkish coffee. What did my husband do? Forget about the coffee, he just wanted to order Baklava, so he went for the regular American.
  
 First, I have to say that they  serve the coffee in a very fancy fashion (I liked it a lot-so cute!). They serve it black and with the sugar already blended in. I tried it black first and the taste was very peculiar. The flavor is strong because it's not completely diluted. You can taste some of the grains. When I put some cream in it, it tasted lighter. Even though it looks like an espresso, it's not as strong. Its flavor and aroma aren't as strong either.

what my husband had

what I had

Since I was in such an "International" mode, we decided to visit Eataly in NYC. Eataly is a marketplace that is comprised of several Italian restaurants and markets. You can find a variety of coffee shops, bakeries, seafood, steak, fresh pasta, and any wine and produce you could imagine. At the end of my visit there I stopped by Lavazza, one of the several coffee locations they have. I tried an Espresso Macchiato Doppio. Oh my God! I truly think this coffee should be named after me. It was "heaven". Strong, tasty, flavorful, aromatic, and pure. 
What can I say? I love Turkish food but when it comes to coffee, I am a Puertorican first and then "Mamma Mia".... I have to be an Italian!  

MYSELF # 2: My go-to book: "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success"

I love reading. I have always loved the ability to read about other people's ideas, experiences, successes, and challenges. I love reading non-fiction books because I can't stand reading about things that are not real.

Over the years, I have read plenty of books but for some reason there is one book I always go back to, especially when I feel unbalanced in my life. No, it's not the Bible. I wish it was but even when I like reading the Bible, it's a little bit complicated sometimes. When I feel unbalanced, I like straight forward and simple things to read.

I bought this book in 1997 just before moving from Puerto Rico to Upstate NY. I was in a pharmacy store and saw this thin, small, and cheap book that caught my attention. I bought it and started reading it. I really liked the introduction and told my husband about it. At that time he was not an avid reader, so I asked him if he minded listening to me reading the book out loud so I could share the information with him. It seems odd but he agreed. Night after night we sat down and I read it out loud. 

This book's name is the "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra. What this book states challenged my life and personality in so many ways. I am a very driven person and I grew up believing that I could totally control my present and my future. I wanted the world to think the way I thought and I believed that because something was the "right thing to do", it was obvious to everyone.  In a way, I currently still have moments like those. The only difference is that now I'm more aware and when I start feeling the need to get my way or the feeling of being disappointed by the entire world, I remember what I learned and try to apply it.

These seven laws sometimes don't make sense to us (at least they didn't to me) because they are based on ideas and concepts that are not popular in our society. Concepts such as "Least Effort", "Giving", "Detachment", and "Purpose". I have to admit these laws were very difficult for me to swallow and still are. 

On today's blog I will only cover the First Law: The Law of Pure Potentiality.  

The First Law is about our existence. It says that each of our actions is based on our ego and our ego is our self-image. That means that if we think we are shy, we will behave that way. If we think we are confident, that's the way we will act. If you think you are better than others, your actions will be based on that. That's pretty obvious. However, we are so much more than what we think we are.

Our true-self (not our self-image) is our spirit, our soul and it is completely free of our ego (like when we are children). It is immune to criticism, it is fearless of any challenge, and it feels beneath no one. And yet, it is also humble and feels superior to no one, because it recognizes that everyone else is the same Self, the same spirit in different disguises.  

When we feel better than someone else because we are smarter or have more power or more money, that feeling is based on something external. The book describes it as "object-based" power. That is very interesting because as soon as you lose that object, then who are you? If you lose the money or you meet someone smarter, how do you feel?  Light Bulb Moment, isn't it?

Silence is one of the best ways to get in touch with your true-self. Being in silence and not reacting to everything has helped me meditate on what my ego" wants to do" versus what my true-self "should do". Of course I forget about this sometimes, especially when someone does something I don't like. 

I read this book when I was in the process of moving to Upstate NY. At that moment I was not working and I was spending a lot of time at home. I had a lot of time to think and meditate and I can say those years were the happiest years of my life. We had NOTHING! We didn't own a house, we only had one car, we didn't have any money in the bank, I wore clothes and shoes from bargain stores, our dining-out was pizza,and I used coupons to buy everything. Well, we had our true-selves and we were extremely happy. I have videos and videos of those times and I can see the pure potentiality in all of us.

I guess I need to read this book again. That's why I created this bookshelf on my blog. That way we can get lost on this book together. To your "True-Self"! Cheers!

MYSELF # 1: "Colando Café": Old Way of Making Coffee

My parents were both avid coffee drinkers. I never had coffee during my younger years but you can ask any of my relatives and they all remember my mom and my dad making and having a tiny cup of coffee two or three times a day.

The way they made their coffee was not anything fancy and much less they knew anything about "lattes", "tall or grande" sizes, or any of these grandiose combinations of flavors. It was a very raw process and they had it black without any sugar which in my country Puerto Rico is called "puya coffee".

Today was a cold morning here is the US-Northeast and since I am working from home, I was craving a cup of coffee. I thought of my parents and decided to demonstrate how they did it back in the old days (although I am incorporating some new tools, so I'm sorry for the puritans!). Here we go (by the way, back in the old days they didn't measure anything and I don't do it either, so bear with me):

Ingredients:
-Good Espresso Ground Coffee ( Yaucono** in this case) -Colador de Tela (Cloth Coffee Strainer)
-Cacerola (Small cooking pot)
-Frothing Pitcher (New Tool)
-Frother (New Tool)

Fill your small cooking pot with about 3/4 of a cup of water. Place the
cooking pot on high heat and wait until the water boils. Once the water is boiling, put enough ground coffee into the boiling water. Be careful because since the water is boiling, once you put the ground coffee in, it could overflow. Leave it in the pan and stir to completely mix for less than a minute. 

Once the water has blended with the coffee, place the coffee strainer into the coffee cup. Fill your cloth coffee strainer with the brewed coffee. Slowly lift the bag out of the cup, letting the coffee drain into the cup as you do.

Steam and froth the milk the way you like it. I personally like it very hot and frothed. Pour it into the coffee and voila!

Hope you enjoy it!!!