You wake up one day, and you realize you are the father of a baby girl. All of the sudden it hits you and you start asking yourself, "what am I going to do? I need to learn about "girl stuff." You start thinking about all the things women go through and what future your daughter may have. It seems challenging, right?
Well, as a father, you have more power of influence than you may think. Girls are usually drawn to their fathers and sometimes parents don't realize how much influence they can have on their children's future.
My dad is a retired police officer. I remember when I was in first grade, and I took a 'police department button' and wore it on my school uniform. I went to school feeling so proud. However, my sister's friends started to make fun of me. Even though I was upset because of that, my father supported me which made me feel empowered and better.
I was always a curious kid. I loved fixing things and learning how things worked. I always found all the things that my father did around the house fascinating. Still to this day, whenever he is doing or fixing something, I sit next to him and try to learn or help in any way I can. The good thing is that he allows me to do it.
It doesn't matter in what field you are involved and what your daughter's skills are, there's always a way in which you can connect with her and mentor her. In a world where there's so much work disparity between men and women, men are called to use the power they have to raise a new generation of confident, independent, and courageous women. It is as simple as allowing your daughter to experience and share with you things that you do on a day-to-day basis; encouraging them to ask, to participate, and to share experiences with you.
These are some things that I experienced with my dad, and that allowed me not to be afraid to get into a male-dominated industry and stay in it for over twenty (20) years.
1. Try not to impose "girly" expectations- "girls wear pink and boys wear blue" paradigm is outdated. Growing up I loved the color blue, I used to like jeans, flip flops, short hair, and t-shirts. I loved Barbie dolls too, but I also enjoyed playing with marbles and assembling things; activities that were not "girly things-to-do" when I was growing up. I was always labeled as a "tomboy, " and I felt that my dad never judged but embraced that aspect of me. Allow your daughter to experience different aspects of life. If you also have boys, let her play with them. Teach them that they need each other. Women and men need each other to succeed. Show her how to ask men for help in a positive, non-competitive way but also in a confident and assertive manner.
2. Teach her not to wait for the "perfect prince" to come and take care of her - we are taught that one day we'll meet the perfect guy that will take care of us. There's nothing wrong with meeting that guy, but we should not look at him as our savior. Fathers are role models for their daughters. They should teach them how to think independently, to pursue a career, not to have someone to fall back on. Fathers should encourage their daughters to develop their skills and grow as a well-rounded person. Men and women should create a partnership in which they support, teach, and help one another so that both parties can grow and succeed. My dad always said to me " Dale pa'lante" (which means "go for it" in Spanish). He said it, and I did it!
3. Allow her to participate in the things you do - my father is very crafty. He was always doing things around the house. I loved observing him. He always allowed me to help. As a teenager, I was always changing the layout of my room. I never asked for any help. I moved things around and put things on the wall by myself. I would go to his tools closet and look around. I loved it! I remember one time looking for a phone cable to run an extension cord from my parent's bedroom to mine so that I could have a phone in my room. I remember doing the installation while I was home alone. When my parents got home, they couldn't believe it. They were pleasantly surprised, and I felt very accomplished. Years later, when I had to direct 200 men in a Public Works department, and I said that I wanted to try to operate a Digger and a Grader, my employees couldn't believe it. They were happy to teach me, and it allowed me to understand and support their craft as well as to gain their respect.
4. Have 'daddy-daughter' time with her (lunch meetings) - take the time to spend special time with your daughter. Make it a "lunch meeting" and discuss future projects and plans. Let her speak up about the things she likes. Give your opinion to her without dominating the conversation. Listen and exchange ideas. This action will teach her how to express herself confidently; without fear of rejection. These days, it's me who invite my dad to lunch meetings. He stares at me and listens, but now, I am the one letting him speak and trying not to dominate the conversation.
5. Praise her confidence - give her feedback. Praise the fact that she dares to do or say something. Explain to her that she doesn't have to succeed at everything, that failure is part of the process. Women tend to take defeat from the heart. We think that if we fail at something, then, we "are" a failure. Teach her that to grow and become a better person, you will have to experience failure. Let her know that occasional failure is okay and that she will have people around that will support her and help her move forward.
6. Talk to her about 'boy stuff'' - share with her how guys think. Tell her to embrace differences between boys and girls. When I was a kid, there was one time when I wished I were a boy. I saw them having so much fun, and everything seemed to be so much easier for them. Society teaches us that "girls don't this or don't do that." In particular cases, that might be true, but we need to explain why. Sometimes we blame boys for things that are not their fault, it's just that we are different. We often talk about men having to understand women, but women also need to know and understand men.
7. Allow her to talk about 'girls stuff' - I always talked to my father about everything. I still do. The first time I liked a guy, I told him first. When I was 15 yrs old, I had a couple of bad experiences at school. I waited a long time to say anything to him. When I finally told him, he said to me that when something bad happens, you need to address it quickly. He also took the opportunity to talk to me about life. He said, "well, when have I said to you that life is easy?". That was an eye opener for me. At that moment, I understood that you can expect as much good as bad from life and that it is okay to experience sadness, frustration, and pain sometimes.
8. Be honest about your fears and challenges - talk to them about your challenges and concerns. Being afraid is okay. Sometimes we think that men are not scared of anything, but sometimes they are. Talking to your daughter about it will give her a perspective of equality. If you can be afraid, and you are successful, then it's okay for her to experience the same feeling.
9. Be there for her and just enjoy seeing her grow - have fun being a father of a girl. It's awesome for a girl to know that a male figure will always be there for her and have her back. There will come a time in which your daughter will teach you and will take care of you. I am at that stage now with my father. He looks at me, and he smiles. We spend time reminiscing his days in the police department. I used to have boys come to me to tell me how cool it was that my dad was a police officer; I felt so proud! Now, when people go to him and ask him if he is my dad or shows him a project that I was involved with, he comes to me with the same sense of pride.
Congratulations to you if you have a daughter! You have a great responsibility but also a wonderful opportunity to make this world one where she feels empowered, capable, embraced, and happy! Go for it or as my dad would say, "mi'ja dale pa'lante"!
