LIFE Topic # 3: The "Worry" Gene

I have always being a very aware person. For some reason, I notice everything around me even when I am not trying to pay attention. It's odd because one of the stories my mom used to tell about me was how absent minded I was when I was a baby. I was so distracted that when I was 3-yrs old she took me to a therapist to see what was wrong with me. They did a psychometric test on me and she told my mom not to "worry" about it.

Funny, how we worry about everything. If there's a character trait I would definitely adjust in myself, it'd have to be the "worry" gene. I call it like that because one of my supervisors once told me that I had it. He said to me "you have the "worry" gene. You worry about everything and 90% of the time those things you worry about never happen and the other 10%, have a solution". 


I often think about it. I have read and still read so many books about this topic. I want to understand where this excessive worry comes from.  I think all of my immediate relatives got it too. It's a well-discussed topic in family reunions.  I have to say though that there's an upside to this behavior. People like us are usually very good planners, extremely responsible, well organized, great problem-solvers, and very aware of other people's needs. Those are all great character traits that everyone around us benefits from. 

I can sit down here and make a great case on how worrying makes you more responsible and makes your life better but I can also tell how much impact it has had on my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. After all of these years trying to be the "perfect" student, the "perfect" employee, and the perfect "everything", I have realized that trying to have the "perfect" life is a waste of time. It's like a never-ending marathon. The more you run towards the goal, the more the finish line moves away from you.

What's the point then? Why do we have the need to have everything perfect so that we can have fun and enjoy life? Why do we obsess about having the house clean before going out?  I have come to realize that if we engage in this type of behavior, what seems perfect today won’t seem as perfect tomorrow. There's always somebody that is better at what we do. There's always an unplanned event that occurs and makes our "perfect plan" not work. When that happens, we can't enjoy ourselves and even worse, we make the people around us feel guilty if they try to enjoy themselves. Why? Because we need them to feel as bad as we feel.

 So, how can we keep the benefits of having the worry gene and minimize the disadvantages? This is something I work on every day but that I am mastering more and more as time goes by. I try to use my "awareness" to fight my brain and my behavior (what I can control)  instead of using it to fight external things (what I can't control).

I try not to create a "mental story" (phrase used by one of my relatives that has the "worry" gene) and just play along with it. When this happens I ask myself if it was done on purpose. That way I don't take it personal.  My first reaction is usually to take it personal and making it about me when most of the times people don't even realize the effects of their actions.

The second thing I try to do is to take a moment to let my frustration go so that my feelings don't get in the way (very difficult thing to do). Sometimes it requires a day or two before you can verbally articulate anything. Then, I just let it go and move on. Yes, move on. 

Don't get me wrong, I still plan and do my best and struggle with the worry and the expectations every day. However, I am really working on having joy in my life regardless of what the outcomes are. I tell myself all the time that I have to enjoy life, embrace the moment and go along with the present. I also tell myself that what others do is their responsibility. If I can help them, I will but if I can't, I won't feel guilty.


I try to enjoy the moment and be present. I try not to think about the past or worry too much about the future. I try to let my family enjoy what they are doing and not to plan things for them. I try to listen to what their plans are and respect them. I try not to intervene in everything I see. I try to enjoy silence and I try to lead by example rather than by words.

I am far away from my goal which is to have joy and express joy to everyone around me. I work on it every day and thank God and the universe for allowing me to understand the importance of this before it is too late. I hope that if you struggle with the "worry" gene, the same way I do, that you can learn how to stop worrying and start living!

LIFE Topic # 2: Citizen of the World-The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence

My beautiful Puerto Rico

Being from Puerto Rico I must say that politics and the political status of the island mold everything.  Given that fact, some would say that I'm definitely an irreverent independent due to the love I have for my country, others would say that I am pro-statehood because of many of the US-American customs and life styles that I use in my family and work life. Others would definitely say that I'm a mix of the best of both worlds, therefore I have to be pro-commonwealth. The reality is that I am a 100% proud "Boricua" but I love learning from other countries and cultures and I treasure the good things they also have to offer.  I've never understood the animosity towards the people that live outside of their countries. However, I can totally understand the feeling of seeing so many Boricuas that all of the sudden find everything wrong with the same culture that made them who they currently are.

I consider myself a citizen of the world. To me, it is  very difficult to understand why we can't love the good things that the entire world has to offer and reject those negative things any country has. It'd be so much easier and liberating being able to do that. I find it funny how people sometimes try to assimilate just to "fit in" and other people don't leave their status quo because if they did, they'd see themselves as traitors.

How incredible it is that one must always wear a label.  You are either pretty or ugly. You 're tall or short, fat or skinny, successful or unsuccessful .  You either stay in your country because you love it or you leave it because you don't like it. Well, at this stage of my life I don't see things as black or white. I've been labeled in one category or the other at different points in my life, so I don't really care that much what people think. Everything will depend on the circumstances. You value diversity and learn to respect different views. I think all cultures have things to improve but they also have good things to emulate.

When we decided to move to the United States in the late 90's, there were many things we had to learn (not only the language). We moved to a very rural area where there was no cultural diversity. Basically, the entire population was white people, people did not know where Puerto Rico was, much less they knew that Puerto Rico was a U.S. territory. 

To our surprise we were greeted with open arms.They were concerned to learn more about our country and they even asked my husband to speak at schools about Puerto Rico and its culture. However, the winter seasons were cruel (such as 30 degrees below zero) and detachment from our family and friends was hard to manage.  Living there was an enriching experience that I wouldn't trade for anything else. While I missed the sun, the beaches, and the hustle of the Caribbean cadence, I also enjoyed the peace, the connection with nature, and the kindness of the people who do not have much to do. This environment of little noise brings out the best in people. You enjoy every simple experience and you welcome it. It's amazing how we always say that progress will improve our lives. However, time has taught me that the only things that improve our life are love, the ability to adapt to change, the attitude towards change, and the perseverance to achieve what we want, despite of change.

I've always heard that one should not be changing jobs or places of residence too often because "on the

Our motto wherever we live

other side of the fence, the grass is not greener ." To some extent, that saying is true. No matter where you go human beings have the same needs, issues, uncertainties, desires, and experiences. It is our ego that makes us believe superior or inferior to other cultures. What I know for sure is that although grass is green on its original color, it will depend on its care and the environment to maintain that color. In drought, it starts to get orange, then yellow. During winter season, they can be crystallized from cold or disappear before the snow fall . The grass adapts to change in order to survive. So can we. We can enjoy the change learning to survive and make the best out of it.

When we experienced the 1997 ice storm that hit Upstate New York, my

Upstate NY '97 Ice Storm

husband and I had to adapt very quickly to living without electricity for several weeks. I was pregnant at that time and we had this fabulous fireplace which we thought was the perfect area to warm up and enjoy. Unfortunately, it became a nightmare during the ice storm  as every twenty minutes we had to fill it with charcoal to stay a little bit warm. The temperature inside the house was in the low 50s and we had to go to a shelter where the food was "terrible" and my pregnancy felt worse than terrible. Still, we adapted and we even managed to get a few laughs out of the whole situation.

My baby and I freezing

Three years we lived up there. I will always have unique memories of our stay in Upstate New York. We moved back to Puerto Rico and life took us back to the United States (this time to New Jersey). Yes, back to the United States, where the grass changes color , where you miss the Caribbean evergreen steadiness but where life also gives you the opportunity to being a citizen of the world and appreciating both.

LIFE Topic # 1: The Millennials

Time Magazine Article on Millennials

I am hearing a lot of buzz regarding the "Millennials". Yes, those who were born between 1980s and 2000s. Some also call them Generation Y. The Millennials are often described as confident, self-expressive, liberal, upbeat, and open to change**. They are also impatient, focused on themselves, and not willing to compromise on certain matters they think are non-negotiable.

I have to admit that sometimes I have been guilty of judging them    as not committed, selfish, and lazy (as shown on the Time Magazine  Cover) but in reality what happens is that they see the world  through a different perspective. Even though I am from the "Generation X", I was raised by "Baby Boomers" and "The Silent Generation" and I have a lot of their influence. These two generations were people that were trying to conquer the world and breaking the established but they were also people that respected the authority figures in a very extreme fashion; to the point that sometimes they sacrificed their own rights. That being said, having both, a member of the "Millennials" and a member of the "Silent Generation" living in my household, is quite a challenge sometimes. 

For example, you can see how my father doesn't understand the whole practice of "working from home". Every

Millennials

time I stay at home working, he asks me "what are you doing here?" or "did you take the day off?”. On the other hand, my daughter swears that she will never work in an office from 8-5 pm. 

I remember one day, when she was 9 yrs. old, she came home very upset. She said that the principal of her school had done something to a student that she considered unfair. She wanted to send an email to the principal expressing her opinion. I wanted to die. I felt proud because she had a strong feeling and opinion about it but at   the same time I couldn't understand how this young kid (I don't want to say the words I'm thinking in Spanish), had the confidence to wanting to email the school's maximum authority. Of course, I didn't let her do it but I had to sit down and explain to her why sometimes it is better not to react so quickly to our feelings.

My Father & Daughter

I think this generation is perfectly suited for the world they are living in. Even though I have some disagreements on certain aspects with the Millennials, I have to say that sometimes I wish I had more of their free-spirited personality and confidence. They go for the things they want in life and from life, and they have their priorities very clear. Another thing I admire about them is that they are not afraid of changing minds about things. Older generations would stay on the same job for 30 yrs. even when they were extremely unhappy. This generation would change jobs (sometimes too often) until they find what they like.

Three Generations together

It is an interesting dynamic and I can see it unfolding in my own house all the time. I am looking forward to the challenge and I am also looking forward to learning from them. I'm sure we can teach each other one or two things, right?

**Definition taken from website: "www.pewsocialtrends.org"