LIFE Topic # 4: Is getting older that bad?

This little guy here made my teen yrs better!

To tell you the truth my teenage years were extremely challenging. They were full of stress and lack of confidence. As I struggled with that, I always caught myself dreaming about getting older. Then, when time started to fly and I looked at my younger self photos, I saw this beautiful young lady that wasted so much time trying to prove herself physically, intellectually, and emotionally to others.

Putting on makeup. Happy kid!

My 20s were about work and more work. During that journey I became so busy with balancing work and family life that I don't even have deep memories of an entire decade. The whole 30s went by so fast that when I try to focus on the events, I can't say that I have a good recollection of me as an individual.  I do remember myself as a professional though. I remember the accomplishments as director or managing projects; however, I have no awareness of my emotions or even my dreams at that time. 

My 40s have been a real eye-opener. The 40s have been a challenge. I have had to work on myself more than I had imagined. It's like re-learning life. It's like questioning why I am doing this and what for. Let's see:

My Health

I am a pretty healthy person and I try not to pay too much attention to illness. However, for some reason for the last two years I have been feeling every ache and pain that a body can experience. Exercising (which I personally don't like) has had to become a habit for me because if I don't do it, my body feels stiff and achy. Nutrition has become priority number one. I love salty snacks and carbs. Ooops! ...that translates to 1 or 2 extra pounds if I eat it all on the same week. 

Trying to lose weight has always been an issue for me and in the process I have tried diet pills, starving diets, gyms, insane workouts and nothing has steadily worked. Recently, I think I have finally come to peace with an eating style that seems to be working, although I will never be a size 2. A size 4 on certain dresses fits but jeans? OMG! but I am okay with that. Eating a good protein based meal, lots of vegetables, and minimum amounts of fat is working okay for me these days. I have my cravings and I succumb to them once in a while but I have to watch carefully whatever I eat.

My Career

Where do I start on this one? Having to reinvent yourself in your 40s after having a successful career for over 20 years can send you to a deep depression. Moving to a new country and having to explore new ways of working has been challenging. Questioning yourself why do I need to prove myself again is something that can tear apart your emotions. However, I think that life is full of opportunities. I would love to be in a steady stage of my career life right now but I am not, so this is an opportunity for me to learn new things and new aspects of myself. I have to say that some days I feel thrilled about it but other times, I feel like quitting. In a general sense I can say that this situation has helped me to improve my networking skill and leadership abilities. Although I still struggle with it, looking at work as a mean and not as the goal and understanding that I am not defined by my career anymore has been liberating.

My Emotions/Inner self

Happiest day of my life

Oh well, what a cathartic experience writing this section will be. I have been experiencing each one of the emotions that exist, the good ones and the bad ones. Gratitude, excitement, happiness but also frustration, sadness, and lack of control. Why? Because at this age you know that time is running; because I know that whatever I decide now will have a huge influence on my elder years. Because I see my daughter making decisions leading her to a path of independence and I agree with some of the decisions and disagree with others and it is a struggle. Because I see my hair, body, and face changing. Because I see my husband's changing. Because we see how illness is taking people we love away from us and that makes us think, "was this worth it?", "was that worth it?".

Living a very simple life- Very happy!

My Relationships

I have always been socially awkward. My lack of confidence made me withdraw myself from interacting well with family and friends. As I have become older, I have done a lot of work in this area pushing myself into interacting and losing the fearful attitude; understanding that what people say is not necessarily a reflection of myself but a reflection of themselves. 

I have been able to put aside my disagreements with what some people think about and keep in contact with them based on the significance and value of our relationship. I call, I text, I facebook with those whom I love. I find time to send a hello note, to share pictures and comments, to laugh with them even though sometimes it is through social media. This has made my life better. It doesn't matter what people think about me anymore, if you are important to me, I will take the time to connect with you. At the end of the day, when that person leaves the planet or when I leave the planet, that connection is the only thing that will last.

My parents

I forgave a long time ago any mistake they could have made.  They loved me and that is what matters.  We, as human beings, can make profound mistakes in the process of loving our kids. We reflect our inner fears on our kids and that is the base for saying and doing things that hurt them sometimes.  We don't want our kids to go through the same challenging things we have experienced in life. 

My mom making crafts with my daughter

Whatever mistakes my parents made, they are all gone. It's gone and I am here to be with them. For instance, do I disagree with my dad on certain things? Yes, I do. However, when that happens, I try to remember every time he dropped me off at or picked me up from school. I remember when he lost an entire night transcribing an English project for me because I had typed it all wrong, when he would go out and buy whatever fast food we wanted just because we wanted it. My mom? she passed away and that hurt so much. However, I gave God thanks every day for allowing me to give her a grandchild and for being able to see how much love she had inside of her. Through her interaction with my daughter she also loved me, she said things to me that I wanted to hear. I try to honor her teachings in everything I do and live by some of the advice her older-self gave me before leaving this world.

Enjoying a cup of coffee after hiking.  

Is getting older that bad?

No, it's not. Getting older is good. Getting older is like hiking a tall mountain (I love hiking). At the beginning, it's easy. You start walking with a fast flow and excitement. As you keep hiking, the pathway becomes more difficult. You become tired, you have to stop, and you even wonder if you should give up and quit. When you are getting close to the top of the mountain, you become excited again and you look back down and see how far you have come. You see the entire view ...and you get it... and you enjoy it.

 That's when you see that the journey has all been worth it!

MYSELF # 3: TURKEY vs ITALY

At this point we all know that I am a coffee lover.  I spent the holidays in Puerto Rico where I had as much coffee as I could have had. Like I said on a prior blog post, I love my island coffee. I love its aroma and its sweet taste. However, coming back the the US, I decided to start a detox. I tried to suspend drinking coffee for a week. After a day or two, I had such a horrible headache that I decided that oh well....I am addicted to this drink, so it was not going to happen.

My husband's Baklava

My Turkish Coffee

The following week my husband invited me to a Turkish restaurant and the food was delicious. When the time came for the waitress to offer coffee to us, she asked if we wanted regular American or Turkish. I thought about it for a minute but I decided to try the Turkish coffee. What did my husband do? Forget about the coffee, he just wanted to order Baklava, so he went for the regular American.
  
 First, I have to say that they  serve the coffee in a very fancy fashion (I liked it a lot-so cute!). They serve it black and with the sugar already blended in. I tried it black first and the taste was very peculiar. The flavor is strong because it's not completely diluted. You can taste some of the grains. When I put some cream in it, it tasted lighter. Even though it looks like an espresso, it's not as strong. Its flavor and aroma aren't as strong either.

what my husband had

what I had

Since I was in such an "International" mode, we decided to visit Eataly in NYC. Eataly is a marketplace that is comprised of several Italian restaurants and markets. You can find a variety of coffee shops, bakeries, seafood, steak, fresh pasta, and any wine and produce you could imagine. At the end of my visit there I stopped by Lavazza, one of the several coffee locations they have. I tried an Espresso Macchiato Doppio. Oh my God! I truly think this coffee should be named after me. It was "heaven". Strong, tasty, flavorful, aromatic, and pure. 
What can I say? I love Turkish food but when it comes to coffee, I am a Puertorican first and then "Mamma Mia".... I have to be an Italian!  

MYSELF # 2: My go-to book: "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success"

I love reading. I have always loved the ability to read about other people's ideas, experiences, successes, and challenges. I love reading non-fiction books because I can't stand reading about things that are not real.

Over the years, I have read plenty of books but for some reason there is one book I always go back to, especially when I feel unbalanced in my life. No, it's not the Bible. I wish it was but even when I like reading the Bible, it's a little bit complicated sometimes. When I feel unbalanced, I like straight forward and simple things to read.

I bought this book in 1997 just before moving from Puerto Rico to Upstate NY. I was in a pharmacy store and saw this thin, small, and cheap book that caught my attention. I bought it and started reading it. I really liked the introduction and told my husband about it. At that time he was not an avid reader, so I asked him if he minded listening to me reading the book out loud so I could share the information with him. It seems odd but he agreed. Night after night we sat down and I read it out loud. 

This book's name is the "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra. What this book states challenged my life and personality in so many ways. I am a very driven person and I grew up believing that I could totally control my present and my future. I wanted the world to think the way I thought and I believed that because something was the "right thing to do", it was obvious to everyone.  In a way, I currently still have moments like those. The only difference is that now I'm more aware and when I start feeling the need to get my way or the feeling of being disappointed by the entire world, I remember what I learned and try to apply it.

These seven laws sometimes don't make sense to us (at least they didn't to me) because they are based on ideas and concepts that are not popular in our society. Concepts such as "Least Effort", "Giving", "Detachment", and "Purpose". I have to admit these laws were very difficult for me to swallow and still are. 

On today's blog I will only cover the First Law: The Law of Pure Potentiality.  

The First Law is about our existence. It says that each of our actions is based on our ego and our ego is our self-image. That means that if we think we are shy, we will behave that way. If we think we are confident, that's the way we will act. If you think you are better than others, your actions will be based on that. That's pretty obvious. However, we are so much more than what we think we are.

Our true-self (not our self-image) is our spirit, our soul and it is completely free of our ego (like when we are children). It is immune to criticism, it is fearless of any challenge, and it feels beneath no one. And yet, it is also humble and feels superior to no one, because it recognizes that everyone else is the same Self, the same spirit in different disguises.  

When we feel better than someone else because we are smarter or have more power or more money, that feeling is based on something external. The book describes it as "object-based" power. That is very interesting because as soon as you lose that object, then who are you? If you lose the money or you meet someone smarter, how do you feel?  Light Bulb Moment, isn't it?

Silence is one of the best ways to get in touch with your true-self. Being in silence and not reacting to everything has helped me meditate on what my ego" wants to do" versus what my true-self "should do". Of course I forget about this sometimes, especially when someone does something I don't like. 

I read this book when I was in the process of moving to Upstate NY. At that moment I was not working and I was spending a lot of time at home. I had a lot of time to think and meditate and I can say those years were the happiest years of my life. We had NOTHING! We didn't own a house, we only had one car, we didn't have any money in the bank, I wore clothes and shoes from bargain stores, our dining-out was pizza,and I used coupons to buy everything. Well, we had our true-selves and we were extremely happy. I have videos and videos of those times and I can see the pure potentiality in all of us.

I guess I need to read this book again. That's why I created this bookshelf on my blog. That way we can get lost on this book together. To your "True-Self"! Cheers!

MYSELF # 1: "Colando Café": Old Way of Making Coffee

My parents were both avid coffee drinkers. I never had coffee during my younger years but you can ask any of my relatives and they all remember my mom and my dad making and having a tiny cup of coffee two or three times a day.

The way they made their coffee was not anything fancy and much less they knew anything about "lattes", "tall or grande" sizes, or any of these grandiose combinations of flavors. It was a very raw process and they had it black without any sugar which in my country Puerto Rico is called "puya coffee".

Today was a cold morning here is the US-Northeast and since I am working from home, I was craving a cup of coffee. I thought of my parents and decided to demonstrate how they did it back in the old days (although I am incorporating some new tools, so I'm sorry for the puritans!). Here we go (by the way, back in the old days they didn't measure anything and I don't do it either, so bear with me):

Ingredients:
-Good Espresso Ground Coffee ( Yaucono** in this case) -Colador de Tela (Cloth Coffee Strainer)
-Cacerola (Small cooking pot)
-Frothing Pitcher (New Tool)
-Frother (New Tool)

Fill your small cooking pot with about 3/4 of a cup of water. Place the
cooking pot on high heat and wait until the water boils. Once the water is boiling, put enough ground coffee into the boiling water. Be careful because since the water is boiling, once you put the ground coffee in, it could overflow. Leave it in the pan and stir to completely mix for less than a minute. 

Once the water has blended with the coffee, place the coffee strainer into the coffee cup. Fill your cloth coffee strainer with the brewed coffee. Slowly lift the bag out of the cup, letting the coffee drain into the cup as you do.

Steam and froth the milk the way you like it. I personally like it very hot and frothed. Pour it into the coffee and voila!

Hope you enjoy it!!!

LIFE Topic # 3: The "Worry" Gene

I have always being a very aware person. For some reason, I notice everything around me even when I am not trying to pay attention. It's odd because one of the stories my mom used to tell about me was how absent minded I was when I was a baby. I was so distracted that when I was 3-yrs old she took me to a therapist to see what was wrong with me. They did a psychometric test on me and she told my mom not to "worry" about it.

Funny, how we worry about everything. If there's a character trait I would definitely adjust in myself, it'd have to be the "worry" gene. I call it like that because one of my supervisors once told me that I had it. He said to me "you have the "worry" gene. You worry about everything and 90% of the time those things you worry about never happen and the other 10%, have a solution". 


I often think about it. I have read and still read so many books about this topic. I want to understand where this excessive worry comes from.  I think all of my immediate relatives got it too. It's a well-discussed topic in family reunions.  I have to say though that there's an upside to this behavior. People like us are usually very good planners, extremely responsible, well organized, great problem-solvers, and very aware of other people's needs. Those are all great character traits that everyone around us benefits from. 

I can sit down here and make a great case on how worrying makes you more responsible and makes your life better but I can also tell how much impact it has had on my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. After all of these years trying to be the "perfect" student, the "perfect" employee, and the perfect "everything", I have realized that trying to have the "perfect" life is a waste of time. It's like a never-ending marathon. The more you run towards the goal, the more the finish line moves away from you.

What's the point then? Why do we have the need to have everything perfect so that we can have fun and enjoy life? Why do we obsess about having the house clean before going out?  I have come to realize that if we engage in this type of behavior, what seems perfect today won’t seem as perfect tomorrow. There's always somebody that is better at what we do. There's always an unplanned event that occurs and makes our "perfect plan" not work. When that happens, we can't enjoy ourselves and even worse, we make the people around us feel guilty if they try to enjoy themselves. Why? Because we need them to feel as bad as we feel.

 So, how can we keep the benefits of having the worry gene and minimize the disadvantages? This is something I work on every day but that I am mastering more and more as time goes by. I try to use my "awareness" to fight my brain and my behavior (what I can control)  instead of using it to fight external things (what I can't control).

I try not to create a "mental story" (phrase used by one of my relatives that has the "worry" gene) and just play along with it. When this happens I ask myself if it was done on purpose. That way I don't take it personal.  My first reaction is usually to take it personal and making it about me when most of the times people don't even realize the effects of their actions.

The second thing I try to do is to take a moment to let my frustration go so that my feelings don't get in the way (very difficult thing to do). Sometimes it requires a day or two before you can verbally articulate anything. Then, I just let it go and move on. Yes, move on. 

Don't get me wrong, I still plan and do my best and struggle with the worry and the expectations every day. However, I am really working on having joy in my life regardless of what the outcomes are. I tell myself all the time that I have to enjoy life, embrace the moment and go along with the present. I also tell myself that what others do is their responsibility. If I can help them, I will but if I can't, I won't feel guilty.


I try to enjoy the moment and be present. I try not to think about the past or worry too much about the future. I try to let my family enjoy what they are doing and not to plan things for them. I try to listen to what their plans are and respect them. I try not to intervene in everything I see. I try to enjoy silence and I try to lead by example rather than by words.

I am far away from my goal which is to have joy and express joy to everyone around me. I work on it every day and thank God and the universe for allowing me to understand the importance of this before it is too late. I hope that if you struggle with the "worry" gene, the same way I do, that you can learn how to stop worrying and start living!

LIFE Topic # 2: Citizen of the World-The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence

My beautiful Puerto Rico

Being from Puerto Rico I must say that politics and the political status of the island mold everything.  Given that fact, some would say that I'm definitely an irreverent independent due to the love I have for my country, others would say that I am pro-statehood because of many of the US-American customs and life styles that I use in my family and work life. Others would definitely say that I'm a mix of the best of both worlds, therefore I have to be pro-commonwealth. The reality is that I am a 100% proud "Boricua" but I love learning from other countries and cultures and I treasure the good things they also have to offer.  I've never understood the animosity towards the people that live outside of their countries. However, I can totally understand the feeling of seeing so many Boricuas that all of the sudden find everything wrong with the same culture that made them who they currently are.

I consider myself a citizen of the world. To me, it is  very difficult to understand why we can't love the good things that the entire world has to offer and reject those negative things any country has. It'd be so much easier and liberating being able to do that. I find it funny how people sometimes try to assimilate just to "fit in" and other people don't leave their status quo because if they did, they'd see themselves as traitors.

How incredible it is that one must always wear a label.  You are either pretty or ugly. You 're tall or short, fat or skinny, successful or unsuccessful .  You either stay in your country because you love it or you leave it because you don't like it. Well, at this stage of my life I don't see things as black or white. I've been labeled in one category or the other at different points in my life, so I don't really care that much what people think. Everything will depend on the circumstances. You value diversity and learn to respect different views. I think all cultures have things to improve but they also have good things to emulate.

When we decided to move to the United States in the late 90's, there were many things we had to learn (not only the language). We moved to a very rural area where there was no cultural diversity. Basically, the entire population was white people, people did not know where Puerto Rico was, much less they knew that Puerto Rico was a U.S. territory. 

To our surprise we were greeted with open arms.They were concerned to learn more about our country and they even asked my husband to speak at schools about Puerto Rico and its culture. However, the winter seasons were cruel (such as 30 degrees below zero) and detachment from our family and friends was hard to manage.  Living there was an enriching experience that I wouldn't trade for anything else. While I missed the sun, the beaches, and the hustle of the Caribbean cadence, I also enjoyed the peace, the connection with nature, and the kindness of the people who do not have much to do. This environment of little noise brings out the best in people. You enjoy every simple experience and you welcome it. It's amazing how we always say that progress will improve our lives. However, time has taught me that the only things that improve our life are love, the ability to adapt to change, the attitude towards change, and the perseverance to achieve what we want, despite of change.

I've always heard that one should not be changing jobs or places of residence too often because "on the

Our motto wherever we live

other side of the fence, the grass is not greener ." To some extent, that saying is true. No matter where you go human beings have the same needs, issues, uncertainties, desires, and experiences. It is our ego that makes us believe superior or inferior to other cultures. What I know for sure is that although grass is green on its original color, it will depend on its care and the environment to maintain that color. In drought, it starts to get orange, then yellow. During winter season, they can be crystallized from cold or disappear before the snow fall . The grass adapts to change in order to survive. So can we. We can enjoy the change learning to survive and make the best out of it.

When we experienced the 1997 ice storm that hit Upstate New York, my

Upstate NY '97 Ice Storm

husband and I had to adapt very quickly to living without electricity for several weeks. I was pregnant at that time and we had this fabulous fireplace which we thought was the perfect area to warm up and enjoy. Unfortunately, it became a nightmare during the ice storm  as every twenty minutes we had to fill it with charcoal to stay a little bit warm. The temperature inside the house was in the low 50s and we had to go to a shelter where the food was "terrible" and my pregnancy felt worse than terrible. Still, we adapted and we even managed to get a few laughs out of the whole situation.

My baby and I freezing

Three years we lived up there. I will always have unique memories of our stay in Upstate New York. We moved back to Puerto Rico and life took us back to the United States (this time to New Jersey). Yes, back to the United States, where the grass changes color , where you miss the Caribbean evergreen steadiness but where life also gives you the opportunity to being a citizen of the world and appreciating both.

LIFE Topic # 1: The Millennials

Time Magazine Article on Millennials

I am hearing a lot of buzz regarding the "Millennials". Yes, those who were born between 1980s and 2000s. Some also call them Generation Y. The Millennials are often described as confident, self-expressive, liberal, upbeat, and open to change**. They are also impatient, focused on themselves, and not willing to compromise on certain matters they think are non-negotiable.

I have to admit that sometimes I have been guilty of judging them    as not committed, selfish, and lazy (as shown on the Time Magazine  Cover) but in reality what happens is that they see the world  through a different perspective. Even though I am from the "Generation X", I was raised by "Baby Boomers" and "The Silent Generation" and I have a lot of their influence. These two generations were people that were trying to conquer the world and breaking the established but they were also people that respected the authority figures in a very extreme fashion; to the point that sometimes they sacrificed their own rights. That being said, having both, a member of the "Millennials" and a member of the "Silent Generation" living in my household, is quite a challenge sometimes. 

For example, you can see how my father doesn't understand the whole practice of "working from home". Every

Millennials

time I stay at home working, he asks me "what are you doing here?" or "did you take the day off?”. On the other hand, my daughter swears that she will never work in an office from 8-5 pm. 

I remember one day, when she was 9 yrs. old, she came home very upset. She said that the principal of her school had done something to a student that she considered unfair. She wanted to send an email to the principal expressing her opinion. I wanted to die. I felt proud because she had a strong feeling and opinion about it but at   the same time I couldn't understand how this young kid (I don't want to say the words I'm thinking in Spanish), had the confidence to wanting to email the school's maximum authority. Of course, I didn't let her do it but I had to sit down and explain to her why sometimes it is better not to react so quickly to our feelings.

My Father & Daughter

I think this generation is perfectly suited for the world they are living in. Even though I have some disagreements on certain aspects with the Millennials, I have to say that sometimes I wish I had more of their free-spirited personality and confidence. They go for the things they want in life and from life, and they have their priorities very clear. Another thing I admire about them is that they are not afraid of changing minds about things. Older generations would stay on the same job for 30 yrs. even when they were extremely unhappy. This generation would change jobs (sometimes too often) until they find what they like.

Three Generations together

It is an interesting dynamic and I can see it unfolding in my own house all the time. I am looking forward to the challenge and I am also looking forward to learning from them. I'm sure we can teach each other one or two things, right?

**Definition taken from website: "www.pewsocialtrends.org"